The Hugh Jampton Experience

The Hugh Jampton Experience

Well against all the odds here I am again. Ready to do battle with the world of RISC OS, or more likely to throw in a few cheap jokes at someone's expense. Of course when I say expense the jokes are free, mainly because they're isn't a hope in hell of selling them, so I am giving them away, a bit like RISC OS 5 really (ouch - ED).

Anyway there are two RISC OS users in a pub, and one says to the other... "I'm ninety five you know...", and the other one says "emmm...What?". Well I did say the jokes were free. And here is something else that's free...

The caption competition

Yes it's time to see what wonderfully creative and totally unexpected captions were sent in for the following:

"This'll fool the spell checker."
Chris Newman

"Miss Jones, when I said you need to keep abreast of your I.T. studies I didn't mean......."
Chris Newman (again)

"Is there too much sex on the internet? Discuss."
Chris Newman (with too much time on his hands)

"I said get your MITS on the keyboard, not your ........"
Chris Newman (still with more captions to come)

"APDL testing the strength of their new range of keyboards."
Chris Newman (If I send in enough entries I will win)

"Every form of technology has it's knockers."
Chris Newman (Oh... no I won't)

"Input error: Keyboard double-buffer overflow. Check touchpad sensitivity. Attempt manual adjustment of upper attributes. If problem persists, seek help from Software Support Services, Jordan."
Geoff Peck

However our clear an absolute winner, in the judges opinion, is...

"My typing used to be all fingers and thumbs, now it's just gone tits"
Kev Smith

As always our winner gets the specially hand embossed, rollover edition, APDL software voucher with a huge value of £20 (cash equivalent 0.001p). Anyway as we have a winner this means the jackpot (cough - ED) has returned to it's default value of a tenner. If you want to have a chance of winning this issues voucher then try and come up with a caption for this:

Send me your entries by the 14th of September and don't forget to read the following naughty small print...

The Small Print: The Foundation RISCWorld caption competition is open to all Foundation RISCWorld subscribers. The prize for each issue is a £10 software voucher. This voucher be used to purchase any product, from the APDL, ProAction or iSV Products software ranges, up to a value of £10. or can be used as part payment towards an item of greater ~~worth~~ cost. Decisions are made at the discretion of the Foundation RISCWorld editorial staff and are final. If the voucher is not won then it can roll over to the next issue entirely at the discretion of APDL.

Hugh's Customer Service Award

Yes it's back. One reader suggested that I might like to take a look at the prices charged by CJE Micros. I must confess that I thought that this was a pointless exercise. CJE are a dealer, so they are quite likely to charge the recommended retail price for most products, with a few items on special offer. How wrong I was, here are some examples...

EasyFont Pro ,CJE Price £25.50, actual price £19.90, or how about Masterfile a snip at only £54, until you realise that the rrp is a rather more wallet friendly £14.90. How about a copy of EasiWriter? CJE price £145, actual rrp £103. Finally how about this bargain, iSV Products Font Designers Toolkit (CJE Price £30, actual price FREE!). All prices were taken from the CJE Micros website on the 17th of July 2008.

There are many more examples and I found these in only a couple of minutes of looking. On a serious note there is no harm in making a living and CJE do offer a very valuable resource to the RISC OS community. After all if there is something you are after, even if it's no longer in production CJE will very likely be able to find you a copy. However over charging on current RISC OS software seems a bit cheeky. As such I have no hesitation in awarding CJE my award for services to the over charging industry. My advice, if you are looking for RISC OS software then check the prices very carefully before buying from CJE, if the price you are quoted is over the rrp, then ask why.

If you think that a particular RISC OS company needs a kick up the parts then why not e-mail me at Hugh's Customer Service Award. I will then investigate...

Now lets have the silly pictures...

Hugh's photo corner

Now does this look familiar...

It's a tempting offer...

It's the error message of the month...

A new method for dealing with hardened criminals...

This just doesn't need a caption...

The trouble is I can almost believe it...

And finally Dave Holden admits that he might have let himself go a bit...

All complaints about the Hugh Jampton column should be addressed to someone else...

Hugh Jampton