The Hugh Jampton Experience
What goes up, must come down, Hugh Jampton makes it easy, cos he's such a clown...
This month's article is bought to you in association with Wildebeests for men, the scent you can't mistake....
After that brief introduction from our special guest sponsors I thought I had better introduce myself. I'm six foot four, except in photographs, and am one of the highest (for a given value of high - ED) paid special team of special RISCWorld staff writers. If you haven't read this column before, or have stumbled here by mistake looking for some rubbish about broken cars, the this is the end bit of the magazine where we round up all the exciting news stories that just don't quite fit elsewhere. Plus we have some jolly funny pictures and lots of really spiffing things for you to ignore.
The caption competition
And talking about ignoring things, lets take a brief reminder of the picture we published last time in our greatly unloved caption competition...
As usual we are offering a luxury £10 APDL gift voucher. This can be exchanged for any item up to £10 in value, or used towards a purchase of more than £10. Only for use against ISV Products, APDL and ProAction software titles, conditions apply, see box for details. Your home is at risk if you do not keep up repayments on that copy of Sleuth..
Anyway, our band of happy reads didn't let us down...
...much. Instead they let us down a treat. Yes , that's you I am talking to, put down that cup of tea and sit up straight. So in the true tradition of British journalism, we've had to make something up...
Aaron
Aaron with a different hat on
Hugh
Dave Holden
So without a clear winner we are having a RISCWorld, Hugh Jampton Experience first, Yes, that's right we are all getting very excited and start to sound like Peter Snow, yes it's finally happened, we weren't sure, but the information is coming through now...yes...it's...a rollover...
RollOver
That's right, with no winner from last time our huge gift voucher pile has climbed to the truly atmospheric, nay unheard of height, of £20! Just think what you could so with such wealth....that copy of TableCalc could finally be yours...perhaps a collection of tasty games CDs...a cuddly boxer...OUCH...or anything that you could possible desire from the limited range on offer. So how do you win? Well firstly you have to enter. That's right we publish a picture and you e-mail me your best captions. We pick a winner, then the voucher goes mysteriously missing in the post. It really is that simple.
Yes, that's your mission, should you agree to accept it. Send your entries, however bad, to hughj@riscworld.co.uk. Your name could be up in lights on this page in only a couple of months...
Readers Jokes
I had this submitted and thought I should share it with you (For best results read it out loud...
A bloke walks into a pub with a Giraffe. They both go and order a round of drinks. Then they sit down and start drinking. Each in turn goes up to the bar to get the next pair of drinks. As the evening wears on they get more and more drunk. Just before closing time the Giraffe staggers back to the bar and finally collapses unconscious. The barman looks over and shouts to the bloke, "Is this yours?" "Yes", comes the weak reply. "Well you can't leave it lying there". The bloke looks up and answers, "It's not a Lion it's a Giraffe...".
So lets get the pictures over with and we can all go to bed...not together obviously...well unless you want to...
Hugh's picture gallery
I say, he's a cheeky little chappie...
They grow up so quickly these days...
Raleigh's new bike, for the man on the run....
Not my idea of an ideal snack...
Where's a mouse when you need one...
Finally another in the new series of Ladybird books for the 21st century...
Don't forget to send your complaints to WatchDog...